Clarity and Catharsis

Of late, I've been praying a lot for two things. One is clarity, that I may see my own flaws and failings, gifts and talents, problems and trouble areas, feelings and emotions, as they truly are -- to see myself without blinders on, without my dragon scales, not to put too Voyage-of-the-Dawn-Treader of a point on it. Character, platitudinously but truly, is who you are in the dark when there's nobody there but you and God. And I've been working hard to uncover, for better or worse, my true character, my true nature, my true Self. It's quite an adventure. You discover the damnedest things. I keep dredging up character flaws that I hadn't noticed, and feelings I hadn't admitted to -- and I'm slowly working through them. "Human kind," Eliot says, I think in The Cocktail Party, "cannot bear very much reality." That's why I'm exposing myself to it slowly. :)

I've also been praying for catharsis. I'm not called the trouble-child for nothing -- I'm a creature of many and varied emotions, and I have an unfortunate tendency to act on them without pruning them first. Hence the prayer for catharsis -- the purgation of emotion that Aristotle talks about in the Poetics. I've been praying that I may learn to control my emotions, in order that I might be spared some of the major heartache they often cause me. I'm angry with too many people -- I hate too many people -- and as a rule, I'm attracted to guys that I shouldn't be. All of these feelings, when entertained, generally end up tearing me apart, and so I've hit my knees again and again the past week or so trying to learn how to temper my passions with reason. It'll be an interesting journey.

Life is not bad. I went over to an old friend from high school's house on Saturday night, and he and I had the Scrabble Match to End All Scrabble Matches, which went till 2 a.m. and from which I emerged victorious -- 278 to 276. It was a sweet victory, and very nearly compensated for that composition paper he beat me by two points on in the tenth grade . . . nearly. :)

Sunday night I made my dad watch The Omen, which I finally bought (the original kicks tail). Then I couldn't sleep for a good nine million hours, and in the morning I got up and made cheesecake, a more exciting venture than you'd think. Monday I took my kid sister out to lunch, and then went over to Dane's and subjected him and Dittert to season 7 of Friends . . . which was vastly raunchier than I had remembered . . . oops . . .

Tonight T. and I watched NewsRadio and went shopping with money I don't have (hurrah for my Old Navy credit card) . . . and I bought a new shirt for the . . . (drumroll please)

TIM MCGRAW AND FAITH HILL CONCERT THAT MY WONDERFUL, AMAZING, AWESOME GODHUSBAND IS TAKING ME TO ON THURSDAY NIGHT!

In any event, it's been uber-rainy here in Maryland -- flood warnings and all -- and I've spent the better part of the last two days stuck in traffic in the rain (why do all my stupid friends have to live in Virginia?) . . . which is an interminable drain on one's mood, but as with all things, soon the sun will be shining. I battle periodic bummed-out-ness and grrowks, but overall? La vita e bella, God's in His heaven, all's right with the world. AND I GET TO SEE TIM AND FAITH IN CONCERT THIS WEEK! I LOVE YOU, DAVID!!!