Hopeless extortion

The past forty-eight hours, I have been indulging in a form of low-level extortionism. Don't worry, it's perfectly legal. It's called "sending out graduation announcements".

Since graduating from college is one of life's few excuses for blatant out-and-out begging, I proceeded to dig out the big fat grey address book and sent an announcement to everyone over the age of 20 in it who I was pretty sure was not dead and whose name I vaguely recognized -- and even some I wasn't sure if they were dead or not and didn't recognize their names. I even got bored and sent one to Tom Monaghan, c/o Ave Maria University. I figure if anyone really ought to send me money, it's the world's foremost Catholic millionaire. I mean really, what's more important in the grand scheme of things -- founding a freaky little Catholic-commune town in Florida, a la The Village, or keeping me in shoes? I ask you.

I'm sending one to Ted Turner next.