One Year Later...

I rolled over this morning, propped open my cell phone, and realized -- it's July 2nd, 2006.

My best friend walked out of my life forever a year ago today.

I feel oddly vacant inside when I think about it. It doesn't hurt, or grate, or gnaw; I'm utterly devoid of any of the emotions I would anticipate such an "anniversary" producing inside of me. I'd half expected today to be excruciatingly painful, but I guess it's like Lewis writes in A Grief Observed -- the old haunts and the significant moments are no more painful after a severe loss than the ordinary ones -- when you've been denied all salt for long enough, you're not likely to notice its absence particularly more on some foods than others.

What cheezy life lessons can I honestly say I've learned in the last year?

1) You can't force anyone to love you. Some people are just not going to. And it's not because of anything you did wrong, or because you're somehow intrinsically unlovable. It's just life. If it's meant to be, he won't have to be coerced into staying.

2) Rebound relationships don't hasten the healing process; they merely prolong it.

3) No matter what, this, too, shall pass. The edge of even the most mind-numbing, heart-wrenching of suffering dulls with time, and eventually goes away. Mankind will never believe this while actually undergoing it, but it's nonetheless true.

4) Cherish the moment -- the best days are the first to fly. Love people with everything you've got, because today might be the last day you ever get to spend with them. Make those phone calls you've been avoiding. Hang out with the friends you've been putting off seeing. Forgive the people you're still pissed off with. Be honest about your feelings toward those you love, even if it's scary. Accepting one's own vulnerability is a prerequisite for achieving maturity.

5) Life is too short to brood over what might have been. In the words of Fr. Considine in Confidence in God, "My life is as it is -- in that I am to find the material for serving God."

6) God only denies us that which wasn't for our spiritual betterment to begin with. He really does know what He's about better than we do, and a priori, that means His decisions don't make sense to us. But once you have "faith-walked-it" far enough away from the pain that you can look back and see clearly, you'll inevitably see the finger of God at work. We all ought to hit our knees daily for the gift of unanswered prayers.

7) There really are more fish in the sea.

8) It's an unfortunate but unavoidable fact of life that sooner or later, death or absence will separate you from everyone you love in this world. The only person who's got an eternal claim on your heart is the One who made it in the first place. As Augustine puts it, he alone never loses one he loves who loves all in God.

9) Quit blaming yourself and/or others for things that go wrong. Sometimes it's your fault, sometimes it's someone else's, sometimes it's nobody's. The score evens out eventually. We all make mistakes, shit happens, we all hurt each other, and as soon as we all recognize it and stop pointing fingers, we'll be a whole lot happier in the vast configuration of things. Just let it go. Forgiveness is the key to wholeness.

10) "Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens." (J. R. R. Tolkien) Life has its dark moments -- dark years, for some of us -- but the people who really love you will stick around in spite of your best efforts to drive them away. And the ones who don't were never worth it in the first place.

11) Never dial an ex's phone number while (a) imbibing alcohol, caffeine, or sugar, b) on a road trip with crazy friends, or (c) insomniacking after two a.m. Any combination of the above could be especially lethal. It may seem satisfying at first blush, but sounding like an idiot does not settle any old scores; it's just sounding like an idiot.

12) When in doubt, flee the country. Canada is your sanctuary. Embrace it.

13) Don't play fast and loose with other people's hearts -- and don't tolerate people playing fast and loose with yours.

14) Dating is highly overrated. Singleness provides all sorts of exciting opportunities for independence that you will never have again. Take the plunge.

15) Don't buy that funny T-shirt that says "I'm not with stupid anymore. We broke up." You will only look horribly bitter and piss off your ex, and you'll probably never wear it anyway.

16) Platitudinously but truly, never let a fool kiss you or a kiss fool you. See #2 -- Rebounds = bad.

17) Even when you plumb the depths of sorrow, life is inestimably worth living. Don't ever lose sight of that.

18) Attaching the main title theme from Alfred Hitchock's Psycho to your ex's phone number in your cell is a cheap, safe, and socially acceptable form of catharsis.

19) Every ending is merely a commencement, the dawning of a new and brighter adventure. "To make an end is to make a beginning," writes T. S. Eliot. "The end is where you start from."

20) "It seemed like a good idea at the time" is fully going on my headstone.

Oh -- and men suck.

Actually, I didn't learn that one this year -- I already knew that. :)