Cat on a Waxed Floor

What is faith? Really, what is it? I'm not sure I know anymore. Feel free to tell me if you know.

On that soaring epicky abstract note, I'm having to do all sorts of grownup things today, like talk to my boss, go get car insurance (which I'm procrastinating about, bleh), and drive through horrid Atlanta traffic at rush hour to honor my commitments and go to play practice in friggin' Acworth, which is at the other end of the universe. All with a persistent loud nagging in the back of my head... it's unpleasant. Loud, painful, and unpleasant.

I've been reading the Introduction to the Devout Life the past day or so, which strikes me as rather ironic as I've lived anything but a devout life of late, but I suppose that's where the "introduction" part comes in. Francis de Sales could be a total wack job by times (sorry to my shocked and appalled Christendom readers, but the man condemns the theatre, dancing, and playing cards as jeopardizing one's eternal salvation -- fuggedaboudit), but he's really on the money in other spots. His reflections about friendship, relationships, and the necessity of severing bad ones to maintain one's relationship with Christ made me break down and cry the other day (not that that's a terribly momentous statement, since everything makes me break down and cry these days).

I'm beginning to realize that while in some sense, deep down, I crave stability and security, it also terrifies me beyond all rational justification. I've noticed myself not wanting to get too emotionally attached to Atlanta for fear something will change and I'll have to pack up and go, and I've realized that this fear is acutely representative of my fear of relationships which has arisen since last summer. I'm always projecting commitmentophobia on the guys around me, but let's face it - I'm just as bad, if not worse, than any guy I know. Flirting is fun, but as soon as genuine interest is conveyed or any attempt at seriousness proffered, I find myself skittering away like a cat on a newly waxed floor. (Tell me that wasn't an impressively Southern analogy - I'm acclimating quite well to my new idiom. :) )

How long can one spend hiding under the bed from the thunderstorm, though, before you have to emerge and face your fears? I can't keep this up forever. Yet I hate people leaving, and I hate them hurting me, and I fear it more than anything else in the world. My solution, thus, for the last year, is to make every effort to drive them away in the first place, so I don't have to worry about any more loss, any more change. And the moment I do lower my defenses and let someone in, they too leave, and set me off once again in the old familiar tailspin. So I keep hiding.

Obviously, this isn't right. My old chum Lewis would have some choice words about it -- indeed, did:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless -- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."

Ouch. Touché.

Give my regards to Broadway

Theatre -- my anti-drug.

Tonight, I had Miracle Worker rehearsal. My director was completely frazzled and had been stuck in traffic and left his script at another rehearsal, so he asked me to write down all the blocking and do some menial busywork for him at the Xerox machine. Then we did a brief rehearsal, in which I rocked (do you doubt it?).

And it's just amazing how for that blissful hour and a half, I completely forgot how awfully everything in my life is screwed up right now. I even forgot that I'd been sobbing like a baby in a ball in my room not four hours earlier -- and I was functional, and coherent, and cheerful, and happy. Fulfilled, I think, would be the way Aristotle would've described it.

I wish I could be inside a theatre all the time. It's my safe haven, my sanctuary from the storm outside. It keeps me sane.

If only I never had to face reality.

Me and my baby sister

I should have been a pair of ragged claws / Scuttling across the floor of silent seas

I hurt.

So much.

Why can't I just drink of the rivers of the Lethe and stop regretting the loss of things that aren't meant to be? Wake up, kid, and quit chasing pipe dreams.

God, it sucks so bad.

How do you move on when you don't want to, when the last thing you want to do is forget, when your own feelings are the tangled web in which you are inextricably enmeshed?

Ha!

And because it was too good not to repeat:

a friend: you are like shirley temple from hell
a friend: in the best possible way

Hellbound in a handbasket

Ha.

I'm exploring Atlanta. The zoo today, a Braves game tomorrow.

I turned a corner driving home from play practice tonight north of the city, and the Atlanta skyline at night as I drove through the heart of the city on my way back south completely took my breath away. I think I'm in love. After all, Atlanta and I have a lot in common -- she, too, is young, fickle, whimsical, independent, adventurous. She suits me well, I think. To a T.

Wow.

Wow. One of my former flames had the unprecedented gall to publicly slander me in a film diary on the internet. Wow.

Wow.

There really are no words.

Except, perhaps, "grow up."

"And Pooh said to Piglet , 'Life is so much friendlier with two.' "

"It's the friends you can call up at four a. m.," Marlene Dietrich once said, "that matter."

Over the years, I've learned that this is an apt hallmark of a true friend. When the whole world is crashing down around your ears, and it seems like nothing in the universe will ever be all right again, friendship is the Godlike ability to put aside one's own self entirely for a time, all for the good of the loved one. True friends will wake up, disoriented, at your deliriously excited four a. m. phone call and drive ten hours to Georgia with you through the night so you can audition for your dream show, or to Canada so that you can escape your rapidly collapsing world, or to New York City on New Year's because you've always wanted to see Times Square. Conversely, they'll wake up for the weepy four a. m. phone calls, for the inevitable deaths and breakups and crises and toothaches of life.

They will put you on speakerphone during dinnertime as they burn a dozen hamburgers, get up at three o'clock in the morning and feed you chocolate and let you sob on their shoulder after an ugly breakup, take you on mad midnight Wendy's runs when they really ought to be studying metaphysics, and perform great feats of daring just to provide you with your requisite caffeine.

They will pick you up and drop you off from airports and listen to you laugh or weep after life-altering experiences, order you Chinese food and force-feed it to you when you're about to pass out from exhaustion, hunger, hard work, and hypoglycemia, attend your performances multiple times, and plan a cast party for you and pick up your pizzas at great personal inconvenience, and in spite of the fact that they had nothing to do with the show, when you're too frenetically upset to think.

They will let you sleep on their dorm room floor, simply because you can't stand being alone, for an entire semester despite the fact that you snore horribly, graciously allow you write your thesis in their room despite your unfortunate habit of haphazardly strewing Mountain Dew bottles and Twizzler wrappers everywhere, make you soup at midnight if you haven't eaten all day, and drag you to the chapel at moments when you least want to talk to God but most need to.

They will visit you in the hospital, hold you in the middle of the night when the world gets too hard to bear, roll their eyes at your tattoos and piercings, censure you for censurable behavior, and rejoice at your victories, small though they may be.

I have lost countless friends in the last year, but I have been blessed with some truly amazing ones. What price can you put on such a friendship? I've been a horrible human being for the last year, and yet for some inexplicable and deeply baffling reason, there are still people out there who love me, who will always love me, and who want desperately to see me be a good one. I can't quite get my mind around it, but I feel an overwhelming sense of humble gratitude and wonder when I think of the people who have blessed me by their reflection of Divine Love in the life of a girl too fearfully stubborn yet to directly approach the Eternal Love.

In the words of Walt Whitman, "I no doubt deserved my enemies -- but I don't believe I deserve my friends."

To all of these nothing-short-of-incredible people in my life:

I'd like to be the sort of friend you've always been to me
I'd like to be the kind of help you're always glad to be
I'd like to mean as much to you, each minute of the day
As you have meant, old friend of mine, to me along the way. (Edgar A. Guest)

Nostalgia

I'd entirely forgotten what terminal wack jobs my friends are. I miss you guys so much.

Oi vey is mir!

I have decided that in honor of all my neurotic weirdo ex-boyfriends, I'm going to rent Fatal Attraction tonight. This will make me grateful for small favors, like the fact that none of them have boiled any of my small pets lately.

EEEEEEEEEEEUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHH!

To those of you who are not neurotic weirdos at all, and in particular those of you who are ex-boyfriends but not neurotic weirdos (all two of you), thank you. From the bottom of my heart.

The Donna goes down to Georgia on Monday for my first Miracle Worker rehearsal. Woot!

Ups and downs

So, Theresa and I went down to Georgia (they should write a song about that... oh, they already have ;) ) and I auditioned, and more importantly, got the role. I'm going to be playing Annie Sullivan for the entire month of September at the Cobb Playhouse... you should all come see it. There are really no words to convey how happy I am about this, so I won't even try. :)

Jonathan and I went fishing on the Potomac tonight. I really needed to detox and watch the sun set... it was good. Really good.

In spite of the audition, I'm freaked out and agitated and upset at the moment and could really use a hug. Or a virtual one, anyway, for those of you who are far away.

Pray for me.

Obstacles

I just realized I have got to audition for this show.

My slight problem is that I have barely enough money to get down there, and I really don't want to sleep at a truck stop.

This whole follow-your-dreams crap is harder than it sounds.

Gadzooks

I was going to drive to Atlanta tomorrow to audition for The Miracle Worker, but I'm too damn tired from the bacholerette party I was just at. Whatever. There are more auditions on Monday if I change my mind.

It seems that everyone and their dog is getting married these days. With the sole exception of myself and one other girl friend, every single other one of my female friends (we're talking like, many, many girls here) are now either seriously dating, engaged, or married. My oldest Christendom friend got married last summer and is seven months preggers. One of my other best friends from school got married four weeks ago. My college roommmate, Trish, and one of my closest friends from high school, Joy, are both getting married next Saturday (at noon and 4 p.m. in West Virginia and Maryland, respectively). And at the former wedding, my dateless self is going to have to socially interact at a wedding with Joe and his girlfriend for the first time. I would seriously rather snort barbed wire or clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue than to show up at this thing without a date.

Uuuuuuuuurgh. In the words of Hamlet, "I say, there shall be no more marriages!" I seriously am having issues coping with all of this change and mayhem. How does one learn to go through life not wanting what other people have, and being content with one's own lot? Other girls get married; me, I move to Georgia. Hardly equitable accomplishmants.

So not fair.

I have now been single for three months. I think that might be a personal record.

A brief tribute to my favorite Canuck

For some reason, every time I hear this (grossly overplayed) song on the radio, it makes me think of John. Maybe it's because he's the self-proclaimed safeguard of my sanity and ever-faithful companion on mad midnight Wendy's runs, or maybe it's because he's my friend with the greatest knack for making me laugh through tears, or maybe it's just because he gives me chocolate and a shoulder to cry on at three in the morning when my boyfriend's just broken up with me. In any event, John, if you're reading this, thanks, man. Thanks for turning my bad days around, and keeping my spirits up in the bleakness of the last year.

Bad Day

Daniel Powter

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on
You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on

'Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well, you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

'Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day

On Second Thought

I posted a truly brilliant, scathing post tonight, all resplendent in its caustic glory, complete with clever, biting acronyms and a delightful smattering of Italian profanity -- and then realized that by posting it, I was merely playing into the hands of the people who had elicited such a kneejerk angry response from me in the first place. And so, instead, I deleted it... but only with reluctance, as it really was incredibly brilliant (albeit uncharitable).

I leave you with these words of wisdom instead:

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

"To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you." (C. S. Lewis)

"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail." (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

"People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway." (Mother Teresa)

"The only man who never makes mistakes is the man who never does anything." (Theodore Roosevelt)

"Love is what you've been through with somebody." (James Thurber)

"When you say a situation or a person is hopeless, you are slamming the door in the face of God." (Charles L. Allen)

"We always find that those who walked closest to Christ were those who had to bear the greatest trials." (St. Teresa of Avila)

"Those who have never rebelled against God or at some point in their lives shaken their fists in the face of heaven, have never encountered God at all." (Catherine Marshall)

"God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me, which He has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for naught. I shall do good; I shall do His work. I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place, while not intending it if I do but keep His commandments. Therefore, I will trust Him, whatever I am; I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him, in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him. If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends. He may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me. Still, He knows what He is about. " (John Henry Cardinal Newman)

The old, human way

Loving people and hating them at the same time sucks. There are only a few people in my life I feel that way about. Two, to be precise. One of them I saw tonight, the one who threw my life for such a loop a year ago -- but it's the other one, the one who means more to me than anything, that I can't get out of my head.

This is tearing me apart. Sometimes I feel like I can't physically stand it anymore. I'm sitting here, crying my eyes out over a twitching computer screen, meaninglessly, fruitlessly, aimlessly. You can't make people love you. I know it. I know it. Why can't I accept it?

"God loves Karel - even more than you do - and if you ask him, he will give you his love for this man, a love nothing can prevent, nothing destroy . . . Whenever we cannot love in the old, human way, God will show us the more perfect way." (Corrie ten Boom, The Hiding Place)

Why can't I just love people and not care whether they love me in return? Isn't that the more perfect way? O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.

But it hurts. Oh, Daddy, it hurts.

Breathe in, breathe out, God is in control.

My "enter" key on this keyboard is actually working tonight -- a rarity -- so that makes me happy. My kid sister and I also ate Reese's mini-cups, Sour Patch kids, and cookies'-and-cream Haagen-Dazs until we put ourselves into a sugar coma tonight while watching the 1997 animated version of Anastasia. I also kicked her tail at Scrabble, although she did garner an impressive 147 points for vinclafnowabong, a word she invented all by herself, on two triple word-scores (I think she was perhaps retaliating for my picking out the tiles I wanted from the bag on my turn).

My 'date' tonight got cancelled due to a wedding today he'd forgotten about. Suckiness. Oh, well, life goes on.

"Romance is dead - it was acquired a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece." --The Simpsons

Whatever.

You know what. I've had it. I trust no one anymore. Even the people I've trusted the most and told the most to about myself, the people whom I've literally bent over backwards for trying to be a good friend over the years, are all either (a) talking crap about me behind my back or (b) manipulating or conning me in some way to sow seeds of chaos and provoke social unrest and excitement, or (c) (if they're male) pretending to be interested in me when they're not for some ulterior motive -- the schmucky ones because they're trying to make a move on me and the ostensibly 'nice' ones because they're busy trying to save me from myself. Either way, being used by your "friends" sucks, and I've had enough. I'm done. I'm taking a good hard long look at all my friendships, and seeing if I actually have any anymore that are worthy of the name, because I'm not sure I do.

Vanilla People

Tonight, Theresa and I decided that there are two kinds of people in the world: chocolate people and vanilla people. Chocolate people are the slightly crazy, the adventurous, the theatrical, the entertaining, the social butterflies. Vanilla people are the sort of bland background sorts of people, the kind of people that if we were all in some sort of vast cosmic school musical, they'd be the chorus. Admittedly, vanilla people are at times necessary, as they are the glue that holds the rest of civilization together, but they're not the sort of people you want around on a Friday night. They don't have hot-sauce-eating-contests or play Spin the Bottle or take random trips to New York City or Toronto on a whim or dance in the rain. I tend to surround myself with chocolate people, and have very little patience for vanilla people. Unfortunately, every chocolate guy I know seems to have a propensity for dating vanilla girls, which is growing rapidly irritating. I don't quite understand the phenomenon.

On a different note, I've decided to sell my wedding dress. I need money, and it's time to move on and stop clinging to my last vestiges of ... well, the Boy.

Life is good, I guess. Up again and take another.

Everything You Never Wanted to Know..

You are a SOMETIMES EX. You're sometimes an ex, and sometimes you two are back together. And while your ex may seem like old news right now...You've got to wonder why you keep getting sucked back in

What Type of Ex Are You?

You are a SUPER FLIRT. You love to flirt, so much so that it gets you in trouble. In almost any situation, you find yourself flirting - even when it's inappropriate. You tend to embrace all flirting styles too.. from coy to sexy to playful to serious. And if someone flirts back, you'll crank it up even more!

What Kind of Flirt Are You?

People envy your CONFIDENCE. You have the attitude and self esteem to take on anything. Failure is beyond not an option for you - it doesn't even cross your mind. People envy your ability to take on any challenge ... and they're secretly afraid you think you're better than them. You don't. You're just sure of yourself.

What Do People Envy About You?

Your Extroversion Profile:

Activity Level: Very High

Assertiveness: Very High

Friendliness: Very High

Cheerfulness: High

Excitement Seeking: High

Sociability: High

How Extroverted Are You?

You are 72% Sociopath. The good news is that you're devastatingly charming. The bad news? You mostly use those charms for evil!

Are You A Sociopath?

You will die at age 55. Not bad, considering your super wild lifestyle. Want to live longer? Try losing a few bad habits.

What Age Will You Die?

You are almost ready to date again. You're over him... well, mostly. Truth be told, you still think of your ex on occasion. Enough to affect any new relationship you may start. Give yourself time and space - you are 90% there. And don't swear off men, just make sure to play the field.

Are You Ready To Date Again?

.

You are not a player, but you dabble in the game. Sometimes a girl just wants to have fun- and when it's fun you're after, you get it.But when you want a relationship, you seem to score that as well. What you want changes from day to day? and from guy to guy. Luckily, you've got the skills to get whatever you want - and pass the leftovers on to your friends.

Are You a Player?

You are 80% Flirt

How Much of a Flirt Are You?

You've got guys lined up around the block. While your little black book isn't as thick as Paris Hilton's... You get the most dates of any girl you know. It's your whole five star package that attracts men -Your looks, your charm, and your ability tie a cherry with your tongue.

Are You Attractive?

The movie kiss that best represents you is in The Empire Strikes Back. "Captain, being held by you isn't quite enough to get me excited."

What Famous Movie Kiss Are You?

You are a Relationship Ruiner. You've got a killer instinct, for killing relationships. Your total fear of intimacy points to you being let down before. In any case, relax a little and be nicer to your love. That's all it takes.

Do You Ruin Relationships?

Sleep is highly overrated

Sane people do not watch Gilmore Girls at 3 a.m.

I have never been a sane person, so that is precisely what I am doing at the moment.

I beat Jonathan at Scrabble again tonight, 293 to 275, thanks to a well-placed "COVEN" on a triple-word score followed by "AX" on a triple-letter score, garnering me 63 points collectively and bringing me up from 30 points behind to 30 points ahead in five minutes. The final blow to his ego was my clever use in the eleventh hour of "mu" and "nu", letters of the Greek alphabet...

I so rock.

Why do I never sleep?

Sigh

I'm bored. Someone take me on a date this weekend.

One Year Later...

I rolled over this morning, propped open my cell phone, and realized -- it's July 2nd, 2006.

My best friend walked out of my life forever a year ago today.

I feel oddly vacant inside when I think about it. It doesn't hurt, or grate, or gnaw; I'm utterly devoid of any of the emotions I would anticipate such an "anniversary" producing inside of me. I'd half expected today to be excruciatingly painful, but I guess it's like Lewis writes in A Grief Observed -- the old haunts and the significant moments are no more painful after a severe loss than the ordinary ones -- when you've been denied all salt for long enough, you're not likely to notice its absence particularly more on some foods than others.

What cheezy life lessons can I honestly say I've learned in the last year?

1) You can't force anyone to love you. Some people are just not going to. And it's not because of anything you did wrong, or because you're somehow intrinsically unlovable. It's just life. If it's meant to be, he won't have to be coerced into staying.

2) Rebound relationships don't hasten the healing process; they merely prolong it.

3) No matter what, this, too, shall pass. The edge of even the most mind-numbing, heart-wrenching of suffering dulls with time, and eventually goes away. Mankind will never believe this while actually undergoing it, but it's nonetheless true.

4) Cherish the moment -- the best days are the first to fly. Love people with everything you've got, because today might be the last day you ever get to spend with them. Make those phone calls you've been avoiding. Hang out with the friends you've been putting off seeing. Forgive the people you're still pissed off with. Be honest about your feelings toward those you love, even if it's scary. Accepting one's own vulnerability is a prerequisite for achieving maturity.

5) Life is too short to brood over what might have been. In the words of Fr. Considine in Confidence in God, "My life is as it is -- in that I am to find the material for serving God."

6) God only denies us that which wasn't for our spiritual betterment to begin with. He really does know what He's about better than we do, and a priori, that means His decisions don't make sense to us. But once you have "faith-walked-it" far enough away from the pain that you can look back and see clearly, you'll inevitably see the finger of God at work. We all ought to hit our knees daily for the gift of unanswered prayers.

7) There really are more fish in the sea.

8) It's an unfortunate but unavoidable fact of life that sooner or later, death or absence will separate you from everyone you love in this world. The only person who's got an eternal claim on your heart is the One who made it in the first place. As Augustine puts it, he alone never loses one he loves who loves all in God.

9) Quit blaming yourself and/or others for things that go wrong. Sometimes it's your fault, sometimes it's someone else's, sometimes it's nobody's. The score evens out eventually. We all make mistakes, shit happens, we all hurt each other, and as soon as we all recognize it and stop pointing fingers, we'll be a whole lot happier in the vast configuration of things. Just let it go. Forgiveness is the key to wholeness.

10) "Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens." (J. R. R. Tolkien) Life has its dark moments -- dark years, for some of us -- but the people who really love you will stick around in spite of your best efforts to drive them away. And the ones who don't were never worth it in the first place.

11) Never dial an ex's phone number while (a) imbibing alcohol, caffeine, or sugar, b) on a road trip with crazy friends, or (c) insomniacking after two a.m. Any combination of the above could be especially lethal. It may seem satisfying at first blush, but sounding like an idiot does not settle any old scores; it's just sounding like an idiot.

12) When in doubt, flee the country. Canada is your sanctuary. Embrace it.

13) Don't play fast and loose with other people's hearts -- and don't tolerate people playing fast and loose with yours.

14) Dating is highly overrated. Singleness provides all sorts of exciting opportunities for independence that you will never have again. Take the plunge.

15) Don't buy that funny T-shirt that says "I'm not with stupid anymore. We broke up." You will only look horribly bitter and piss off your ex, and you'll probably never wear it anyway.

16) Platitudinously but truly, never let a fool kiss you or a kiss fool you. See #2 -- Rebounds = bad.

17) Even when you plumb the depths of sorrow, life is inestimably worth living. Don't ever lose sight of that.

18) Attaching the main title theme from Alfred Hitchock's Psycho to your ex's phone number in your cell is a cheap, safe, and socially acceptable form of catharsis.

19) Every ending is merely a commencement, the dawning of a new and brighter adventure. "To make an end is to make a beginning," writes T. S. Eliot. "The end is where you start from."

20) "It seemed like a good idea at the time" is fully going on my headstone.

Oh -- and men suck.

Actually, I didn't learn that one this year -- I already knew that. :)